All We Ever Wanted Was Everything

I’m nostalgic for a life
I’ve never had
or I’m not sure
for all my memories
I‘m afraid
they drift away
like a movie I’ve seen
over a decade ago.

Played away most of my ambitions
left with scars of existence.
This notion we share
I‘m guessing
is… but oh no
oh fuck
hush hush don’t talk about
this artifact.

So, a life becomes erased
for we silence our stories
We edit everything
that feels too human to share.
A life we’ve lived,
but never had.

In vain,
without evidence
numbing
taking up space
so we are
in love with nothing else,
but the perfect image of ourselves.

We wish, we want,
but
we should, we could, we ought to
hold up high our failures
but
smile, pose, photoshop
we sit still,
till we‘re drop.

So, all our different truths
drifting away
what’s left – my gut
to the core
we don’t know
we‘re afraid.

I could have been a contender,
the silver screen screams.
I could have been dead,
my head answers
I could have been forgotten.

 

©️ 2019, Mariam Hage

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